野薔薇

野薔薇

わらべは見たり　野中のばら
あしたの野べに　きよらにさける 　　　
ゆめの花よ 　　　
くれないもゆる　やさしのばら

わらべはよりぬ　野中のばら 　　　
とわのなげきを　とげにひめし 　　　
花のあわれ　 　　　
くれないにおう　いとしのばら

わらべはおりぬ　野中のばら 　　　
あどけなき子は　花の思いも 　　　
知らでつみぬ 　　　
くれないかなし　ちいさきばら

the children look at them; the wild roses
the flowers that grow in the wild, away from the sunlight
the beautiful flowers
the bright red flames; the gentle roses

the children avoid them; the wild roses
the thorns on the flowers; prick the children
the flower's appearance
the bright red fragrance; the friendly roses

the children are gone; away from the wild roses
the innocent children; forgotten the roses
it's not their fault
the bright red grief; the small little roses

未来へ

ねえ、夢が叶うことと幸せになることはどうして別なものなんだろう。いまだにわからない。夢がかなえることってやっぱりめでたくてうれしいことだけど、それでも幸せになったとはいえないのかな。一方、幸せになることって必ずしも夢をかなえるとは限らないでしょう。幸せの正体っていろいろあるから。

自分のストーリだからこそ、諦めたくない。

前だけを向いて、信じればいい。自分自身を。でも、信じることだけで何も叶わないよ。でも何があっても諦めたくない。失敗の確立は低いけど、それでも失敗する可能性はあるという。これは自分の人生だから、自分で生きてゆきたい。子供のころに描いた夢どおりに、生きて生きたい。

My dreams 言葉にできないだけなのだ。

Living for the Future

Do we live for the past, the present, or the future? Are we doing now, what we really want? Or are we just doing what we are doing now, just for the future? Or are we doing something now, to compensate another thing in the past?

Will this really mean a different thing if it weren't for me?

I can't wait for the future. Everyday is just a going-through-the-motion affair.
It's time we move on, guys.

On a different note, I'm really touched by how the storemen really slog for their superiors. They weren't supposed to be here in the first place, yet they are doing so much, without a word of complaint.

When I was complaining about how I got the DO duty on a public holiday, I never realized how the storemen felt when they had to come back on a public holiday to do work. And mind you, it's hard labour kind of work. Yet they were all smiles. I guess it really is about finding joy in your work.

Start to End to the Beginning

When we first met each other, we were entering the teenage years of our lives.
When we are going to say goodbye, we are nearing, in fact, just passed the end of our teenage lives, and going into our adulthood.
Teens.
Now I know why we enter secondary school at 13 years old. It marks the start of our teenage. That's when we start maturing, and make friends. And I feel really happy to still be with these friends as I graduate from my teens.
I'll miss those innocent, playful, childish times. How we treated our teachers, how our teachers treated us. It's worth a smile as we recollect those moments. Unretrievable moments of our lives. But whenever we think back, it's always good memories.
As we relish those moments, we have to get ready to move on with our lives.
This is just the beginning.

Nice

First time conducting live run. (i can never figure out whether it is live or life run.) Anyway, it didn't go as smoothly as i thought it would, but thank goodness no one pinpointed out the mistakes.

It doesn't help having our 20SA CO and S3, 21SA CO and S3, and all the PSOs and COs of my unit, all come down to run with us on my first time conducting it. Firstly, it has to be formal, unlike those casual runs we always have, without any proper conducting brief and stuff. Secondly, I can't afford to delay or screw it up, if not, i'll be screwing myself up. So, just as I brought out the tables to set up the water point, the first person I had to see was the CO of 21 and 20SA. Good luck. Nothing set up yet and he's come in. Before I know it, people start coming down, and all the senior officers started to chit chat, while I sweat it out preparing for everything. Then the safety rover driver had to mistake the live run date as tml, so he wasn't present there. Luckily we called him and asked him to fly down immediately.

Thank goodness I had the help of my fellow junior officers who taught me what I should do first. So we conducted the warm-up first, while the guys go collect ice, and the marshallers deploy themselves there, and the safety rover makes it way here. Luckily nothing major screwed up, except that the safety rover wasn't here yet. But with the permission of the supervising officer, we kicked off the run. Then the safety rover came shortly after that.

Then the run ended quickly, and we started doing cool down. Then my CO has to come over to check my life run files, and asked if i've read through them thoroughly. I thought he was going to ask me some questions that will choke my throat, but he just gave me some pointers on what to do next time.
Live run ended there.

I'm really glad that there are still nice people around who are willing to exchange duties with me even when the whole unit is taking off. I was really touched. He didn't have to do it, because he disrupted and came back, so he only needed to do ONE weekday. But he was nice to exchange with my FRIDAY, because he saw that i was going to die if i had to do that long weekend duty.

Nice.

last birthday

"Last" always sounds sad, because it signifies the end of something. It also implies the beginning of something, and "beginning" is always full of uncertainty and anxiety.

Remember the beginning of schools, the first step into a school full of unknown people. Not knowing anyone I know, not seeing any familiar faces around. And whilst scanning the faces of the people around me, I start comtemplating who should be the first person to talk to. Remember the beginning of OCS, the first step into a huge compound, knowing the inevitable fact that I'm going to be stuck there for the next three weeks, yet unable to escape that reality. Knowing that it's not going to be easy, yet half-heartedly wanting to try it. Wanting to give up at times, yet an unknown force pushing me on.

So how will someone feel on a day where he knows that it's going to be the last? Should he be worried and thinking about what he has not done before the day comes? Or should he be excited and looking forward to the new beginning?
This is probably the most significant birthday of my life and I can't believe the way I'm going to spend it. Meaningless.

I can see why many people say that the teenage years are the most eventful years in our lives. It's probably going to be the most glorious days in my life. I made some lifetime friends too. (though our fate seems to be ending in about 8 months time) I've done things that make myself, my family, my friends proud. Getting first in Japanese in sec3, second in sec4; being the top scorer for olevels; passing jlpt level1 in jc1; becoming the japanese club president; getting 4As for Alevels; then commissioning as a SAF officer this year.
But if you look at it, it's merely academic. Thing are never going to be the same again. Realized that life isn't just about grades. It's must more than that.

Done things that changed my life. Need i explain more?

So much that I've accomplished, yet I haven't fufilled my dream yet. Isn't reality just too cruel? I've climbed all the steps on the ladder, just missing the last one to reach the top. Yet I can't climb it till the time is up. It just makes my teens incomplete, like a jigsaw puzzle missing its last piece. And I can't do anything about it. Time's going to be up in a week's time.

And how am I going enjoy the last week of my teens? How, when I have 3 days of duties in this week?

Perhaps things will change for the better, as I welcome the new beginning. Perhaps I will be seeing those glorious days again. Perhaps I'll make more lifelong friends again. How I wish I could just fast-forward everything.

Never Always Volunteer Yourself

Please don't mention the "M" word or the "A" word. And I get the vibes whenever I feel a vibration in my pocket, signalling a phone call or sms. Anyway, I'm halfway through. I believe I won't be so unlucky, or like what they always say, suay.

Navy Open House. Not only did we manage to catch glimpses of cute girls, we had the chances to talk to them, and let them play with our guns. (Erm, SAR21, that is.) Well, it wasn't just about giving the public a service. We do get to see nice people around at times. It's really a pleasure when people treat you nicely, or when you see a happy family taking a photograph.

It's not really easy as you think, to just let them shoot. Kids can't carry the weapon by themselves, so it's just nice of us to support for them, while they try and figure out where is their left hand or right hand.
"Put your left hand here, boy."
"No no, left hand."
"No no, here here. Not there."
When they finally realized where the scope is, I could feel the strain in my forearm muscles. But what can I do? Just smile at them and say, "Okay, try again. You are supposed to see a cross inside the hole (scope)."

When they finally give up, beads of perspiration trickle down our foreheads, as we stand up from the kneeling position, and struggle a little to relieve the amount of acid accumulated in our thighs. And the worst part? Looking over the shoulder of the kid, to see a long queue of kids excitedly waiting for their turns.

Perhaps we should cap this at NC16.

Well well, as much as we complain about this, I do find a sense of satisfaction and enjoyment while doing this. Maybe it's just the innocence aura encompassing the kids. The silly smiles on their faces when they can't hit the target. Their faces turning white as they try and hold the rifle, tilting their entire body backwards.

And how can I forget the father who passed me a piece of tissue paper when his child was done with, well, holding the gun. (In fact I was the one holding it!)

Never always volunteer yourself. Well, not really true- it's about finding joy in what you do.