last birthday

"Last" always sounds sad, because it signifies the end of something. It also implies the beginning of something, and "beginning" is always full of uncertainty and anxiety.

Remember the beginning of schools, the first step into a school full of unknown people. Not knowing anyone I know, not seeing any familiar faces around. And whilst scanning the faces of the people around me, I start comtemplating who should be the first person to talk to. Remember the beginning of OCS, the first step into a huge compound, knowing the inevitable fact that I'm going to be stuck there for the next three weeks, yet unable to escape that reality. Knowing that it's not going to be easy, yet half-heartedly wanting to try it. Wanting to give up at times, yet an unknown force pushing me on.

So how will someone feel on a day where he knows that it's going to be the last? Should he be worried and thinking about what he has not done before the day comes? Or should he be excited and looking forward to the new beginning?
This is probably the most significant birthday of my life and I can't believe the way I'm going to spend it. Meaningless.

I can see why many people say that the teenage years are the most eventful years in our lives. It's probably going to be the most glorious days in my life. I made some lifetime friends too. (though our fate seems to be ending in about 8 months time) I've done things that make myself, my family, my friends proud. Getting first in Japanese in sec3, second in sec4; being the top scorer for olevels; passing jlpt level1 in jc1; becoming the japanese club president; getting 4As for Alevels; then commissioning as a SAF officer this year.
But if you look at it, it's merely academic. Thing are never going to be the same again. Realized that life isn't just about grades. It's must more than that.

Done things that changed my life. Need i explain more?

So much that I've accomplished, yet I haven't fufilled my dream yet. Isn't reality just too cruel? I've climbed all the steps on the ladder, just missing the last one to reach the top. Yet I can't climb it till the time is up. It just makes my teens incomplete, like a jigsaw puzzle missing its last piece. And I can't do anything about it. Time's going to be up in a week's time.

And how am I going enjoy the last week of my teens? How, when I have 3 days of duties in this week?

Perhaps things will change for the better, as I welcome the new beginning. Perhaps I will be seeing those glorious days again. Perhaps I'll make more lifelong friends again. How I wish I could just fast-forward everything.